September 28, 2019

It's not easy living with depression

Boy, have I been remiss these last couple of days!

Although the reason is not entirely my fault.

I’m afraid I’ve been suffering a bout of depression, and it’s been eating me alive.

Depression is something that is useless to explain. If you suffer from it, you know exactly what I mean, but if you don’t, then you have no comprehension of what I am about to say.

Still, I can try to give you a glimpse of what it is like – if you’re fortunate enough not to have experienced.

I go through periods where everything seems useless. And pointless.

Worse, these bouts are laced with anxiety attacks. I feel as if the whole world is going to come crashing down any second.

And if that’s not bad enough – the sessions leave me totally drained of energy. All I want to do is hide under the covers from the rest of the world.

That’s exactly what occurred these past few days. Friday was the worst. I slept most of the day – the only relief I could get from that terrible weight in my mind that would not let go.

Nothing else I did was able to lift the black mood. Absolutely nothing. All I could do was just feel listless, and go through the motions.

Fortunately, my depression – while admittedly unpleasant – is not as bad as many of my fellow sufferers. I’m told that for some, the dark mood is so bad, and lasts so long, that suicide becomes the only way out.

One of victims of such depression was Robin Williams.

By a strange coincidence, I was down in my own personal black hole of Calcutta when I read of Williams’ death. I was sorry when I heard it, but when I discovered the cause of his suicide I was very sympathetic.

Those who have never experienced depression just can’t understand. One of the worst things a person in such a situation is to try to cheer up a person who is suffering from depression. Often you just want to run screaming out of the room in such circumstances.

I was lucky in the fact that the depression began to lift a bit toward the end of the day. I bottomed out about 4 p.m. I remember distinctly – I awoke but was still in a kind of dream state. It was so bad I kept praying that it would soon end.

It did – although I still wasn’t completely out of it. But I was able to function and got some stuff for my website. But it was a slough all the way.

I’m still working my way out of the darkness, and hopefully it will have passed completely in a day or so. Until then, I will not disappoint you. Here’s today’s bad joke.

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'”

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